YOU.

Why? Why do you make my heart all a-flutter with the simplest of gestures?

No fair.

NO FAIR AT ALL.

CHEESES.

You Think You Know But You Have No Idea

It’s funny (and at times really irritating) when people just say things out of the blue. If they’re sharing random events that happened to them, I can take those. No problem at all. What I’m talking about would be the random “advices” (sometimes they’d even quote someone who’s already dead) that people just blow off without even knowing what’s happening. They don’t bother to think if what they’re about to say is appropriate for the situation.

Taming one’s tongue is a skill that should be mastered but it definitely is the hardest. I say things out of proportion and more often than not, I make matters worse. Me and my stupid mouth. But at least I know when to actually SHUT UP and just nod or lend an ear. I don’t sermon or quote sayings when it wasn’t asked from me.

You just don’t act like you’re a master in living the perfect life when you, yourself are screwed up. You JUST DON’T DO THAT. You don’t go rambling on words that you don’t even know what really means. If you’re taking literally the things that should be taken metaphorically, then you need to just STOP.

You’re not making people feel better. You’re doing the total opposite.

I had a reason why I refuse to linger around your existence. I had a reason why I choose not to endure the petty lies and the endless, stupid dramas. I had a reason why I no longer ask what’s wrong. I had a reason why I put my walls so high around me for you. I had a reason why we’re no longer the same people that we were.

And you know that reason very, very well.

So go ahead and preach your sayings TO YOURSELF. Don’t think that I can’t see how you’re trying to convince yourself of the things you’re saying to others.

TANTANAN MO NA. PLEASE.

**I know that me writing this is drama enough but yes, I have to let this out. Hopefully, this’ll be the last entry I’ll right about this person. Yes, I’m a wuss for blogging this instead of saying it to that person’s face. (Good thing IT doesn’t have tumblr. wahaha) Yes, I’m trying to get attention from people. LOL. HAPPY FRIDAY!**

Person I Miss Badly: Ryuichi Uchida

“For someone like me, writing a serious testimonial about anybody is a Herculean task. It’s not easy to get all serious and sentimental if you’re someone who jumps around, thinking he’s still that 8 year old kid playing dangerously in the streets. But perhaps some people can change that. Indeed, Abby is the type of person who can.

A little history: Abby and I met because of two student organizations in SISC. I was involved in both of them, and as destiny may have had it (or more probably simply because of my charms), Abby too joined both organizations. Now, I’m not entirely sure how someone such as Abby could have managed to be accepted in two of the most prestigious and elite student organizations in school considering that she…ooops (revert to serious mode)…

Abby is a naturally-gifted writer filled with ideas, conviction, and imagination. She might be a little too soft, true, but that too is part of her pleasurable character. As a student council officer, no fault can be thrown her way. She was the epitome of a student leader-responsible, friendly, dedicated, and loyal.

But more than anything else, Abby is the perfect bestfriend for a hapless, little fool such as me. She might be the only one who can stand up to my “Divine Wind (Kamikaze)” character. That in itself speak volumes about the girl that is Abby. “

-Ryuichi Uchida

*BECAUSE I ALREADY MISS YOU LIKE CREYSI, MY PENGUIN BESTFRIEND! T_T

08.25.09 [Backtracking]

Meet Carlo James Barreda Padilla. 

I have been in love with him since September 2007 and I can’t believe that he has been able to handle me for who and what I am; flaws and what-not. He has been amazing, patient, understanding—-everything I’m not. 

Funny how people say that there are soul mates for each and every one of us. I never believed in those astral stuff but if I would have a soul mate, hypothetically speaking, it’d be this man. 

I haven’t been the best partner and I can’t say I didn’t try. I just tend to follow my head and heart, and sometimes, I tend to neglect (or choose to forget) him and the things he has to say. 

I’m just thankful that through every bullshit that I gave him, he still chose to forgive me every single time. It has never been smooth sailing for us, and I doubt it ever will be. I just know for a fact that I will always be looking forward facing trials because I can trust he’ll be there to hold my hand through it all. 

**writing this made me cry. BOO. HAHA**

Adieu.

I've never been good with goodbyes. My dad is an overseas worker so he often leaves for another country and he’d be gone for months, nine being the longest. He started going abroad since I was maybe 3 or 4 years of age so you would think that I would be used to the idea of bidding him farewell. Sadly, that’s not the case.


I always sucked when it came to letting go. It could be a neighbor that I haven’t been really close to, a distant classmate, an estranged co-worker, a random stranger (OR NOT, LOL.)—as long as the thought of that person leaving enters my mind, I would get teary-eyed at one point or another. Even just listening to sad, letting go songs would instantly play random departure images in my head. I would think of not seeing a certain person and be overwhelmed by the thought, producing unsolicited heavy tears. And now, the time has come that I will be the one leaving.


I’ve been working for two years now and I’ve never been so happy being employed like how I am now. I am an online English tutor for Koreans and I know that my profession would raise an eyebrow or two, given the expectations the people around me have for me. I am a Nursing graduate and yeah, I honestly DESPISED the fact that I had to undergo 4 crucial years studying illnesses, pathophysiologies and what-not. I took the local Nursing Licensure Exam TWICE, and with the same number, have also failed. I was frustrated beyond measure and little did I know that I was rebelling against every principle that I’ve held for 20 years of existence. I began having vices, I hated the thought of going home. I ventured the call center industry, something that I vowed not to be involved with when I was still in college. I was bitter, insecure and deep inside, I believed that I was dumb all along.


Life took an interesting turn when I began tutoring for Koreans. First, I had one-on-one private lessons, introduced by my best friend and his then girlfriend. I just tried it out because I’ve come to realize that being a call center agent was not for me after all. I had to learn that the hard way, though.


I was finally a tutor. For six months, I got to know each and every one of my students. I was having a blast and I never thought I’d actually fall in love with them. They eventually went back to Korea and three crucial weeks of being stuck at home almost drove me insane. I was a bum and I hated every single moment of it. Finally, my best friend’s then girlfriend sent me a message and invited me to apply in Edubox in the Phils., an online English academy for Koreans. I didn’t have second thoughts of going there and trying it out.


Fast-forward to one year, I’m still here.


Now, though, life is taking another turn for me. The time came wherein I really have to take the local NLE. AGAIN. And I promised myself that this will be the last time. I have come to realize that I actually wasted four years of education if I would not become a nurse. I refuse to believe now that I am not capable of passing an exam such as the NLE. A lot of people have done it, why can’t I?


With the decision of taking the boards again this coming December comes the inevitable choice of leaving Edubox. I have to put ten times more effort into reviewing and I believe that wouldn’t be possible if I would be juggling work and the review. So, I have to let go of one thing to take hold of another.


Leaving will be hard because I have come to love this company more than I can express. I have met interesting people more than my hands and feet combined can count. I have listened to so many stories, took part on random activities, gained and lost a lot —- weight and money, respectively (LOL) , witnessed arguments and reconciliations, imparted knowledge and learned more in return, experienced so many memorable *firsts*, tossed and turned around my bed so many times to think, loved and was loved in return (yiiii), had many issues and was able to surpass them all, and I basically had the best year of my life.


Of course, my heart will long for my favorite students, even the ones that I’ve fought relentlessly with. I know I would have to adjust to the thought of not waking up and preparing to go to work. I also have to endure the ugly fact that I would be penniless for three months or so. Yeah, must suck to be me. LOL.


And now that I’m “leaving”, I am going to miss each and every one of the people that have made my stay in EBIP awesome. If only I could fast-forward the crucial process of taking the boards and be back in EBIP, I would. Sadly, I've no universal remote control similar to that in the movie Click, so I have to really undergo all I have to undergo in order to be successful.


My friends in EBIP will forever be remembered by me and they’ll be here in my heart forever. Cheesy as frack but the truth, more often than not, sucks more than it should. So, yeah.


I’ll be missing you all. ♥


~’til we meet again.~



Remember me sometimes,


Abby

Numero Uno: A Back Post

For my instant family in Edubox who made my life definitely happier; 

For all the memories—-both good and bad; 

For all the dramas, laughter, games and what-not; 

For the hardships, the foodtrips, the conflicts… 

CHEERS, Team Mang! 

Congratulations for being #1 for the first time. We made it! 

~’til we meet again!~ 

I sincerely love you all to the core! ♥

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)

I was able to have a copy of the movie a couple of months back and was only able to finish watching it yesterday. I am ultimately in love with the genius that is John Cameron Mitchell. 

One for the Road

Wasted time and sorry tears all fall down the drain yet again.


Back to square one, not the slightest idea how to get my way out one more time.


Stupid chances and damn regrets; might as well throw it all away—each and every single one.


Mirrored apathy and disheveled illusions embrace my mind as I look back on all the changes that took place ever since our paths crossed.


Feeling every inch beat when I hear your broken record of anger, sorrow and anything but witty comebacks.


Maybe this time the fight is all but over, or it could actually be done once and for all.


Hurling all I can; screaming infidelities, crashing waves and falling stars all rolled into one.


Holding the good memories, trying to block the bad ones, wishful thinking that never goes old.


In the end, though, all to no avail.


A definite ending to an inconsistent beginning.


I’m just tired of it all and yet I’m not letting the end of the rope slip.

So…

Multiply Site is closing before this year ends. That made me panic, because I have tons of photos/articles on the said site, and both Gabby (laptop) and Hardy (external HD), are in a repair shop. 


Plus, the thought of having to transfer the files manually, to extract them from the site and transfer them to my devices, seem all too tedious to actually do.


I am going through all my files, 6 years worth, and I can’t help but remember old feelings, faces, events, and what-nots. I’m not sure if this is even a good idea, going back memory lane, but hey, it’s always fun to reminisce. :)

Drama-rama

We, humans, have this bad habit of falling deep into a 'depressed' state. We all admittedly, at one way or another, have developed a sense of 'self-pity'. The ever infamous line goes something like: "I am all alone in this world and nobody loves me when all I wanted was just for people to accept me for who I am." 

Now, there is clearly nothing wrong with thinking that. As I've said, and I bet all of you would agree, that we are all but humans. Sometimes, we are not capable of just adapting to random situations. There are times we feel like laughing, crying, getting angry or even just plain giving up. We get disappointed, excited, thrilled, scared and sometimes, we just feel indifferent. IT HAPPENS. We all have our different moments, but somehow one and the same.

I have heard too many people say too many times that they just want to be understood. They just want to be loved. And I have been one of them. But what is the real problem behind those statements? What actually causes us to think that way in the first place? 

It was said that you just need to BE YOURSELF, and people should accept you for who and what you are----flaws and all. And that's encouraging, IF YOU ARE A LIVING SAINT. 

But let's rationalize things. 

Imagine that you are one of the 'famous' people. You have it all: looks, riches, brains and the bubbly attitude to go with it. People ADORE your every move and every word. They almost fall to your feet just for you to notice them. FINE. They, in  a way, want to be just like you. But let's say you have flaws in your life that people don't know of. For example, you are a KLEPTOMANIAC. But since you are living up to a certain reputation, being THE role model and all, you CANNOT show to others that you ARE a kleptomniac, after all; for fear that they wouldn't love you anymore once they find out. The dilemma now is: How do you deal with that? Sooner or later, at the least unexpected time, you would eventually do something that would send out signals that you aren't so perfect after all. So what do you do? Do you actually RISK letting people on your little secret? Or would you MODIFY your behavior? Work out on being selfish and IMPROVE, to be the role model people take you for? 

See, things are always easier said than done, aren't they? I would honestly choose the latter. IMPROVE and live up to the role. I bet most of us would do that, yes. Because I believe that you wouldn't jeopardize your whole REPUTATION just for a single, measly flaw such as being selfish, would you? 

But that's the thing with us, humans. WE DON'T SEE THAT.  

Sometimes we get too caught up with our own evil selves, that we tend to forget that we are also capable of changing ourselves and for the BETTER.

"Why won't people take me for who I am?" Simple. Maybe because YOU don't deserve their love and sympathy. Harsh, but let's face the reality. People change----including YOU. And just because the people around you changed doesn't mean YOU didn't. What if they just changed because you did it first? Or that you overdid it? Or that it IS actually for the benefit of all of you?

"Why won't people understand me?" Maybe because you don't exert effort to understand them in return. You keep on thinking that they are the offender. But what about your offenses against them? You can't really be shallow-minded and expect people to think broadly with you, right?

"Why won't people love me for what I am?" Are you sure they don't love you? Are you really being YOURSELF in all given circumstances? Or are you trying to live the best of both worlds?

THINK. THINK. AND THINK AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN.

Humans are so full of drama, whether we like it or not. I know that God made us from His likeness but somehow, we overrode that. We go beyond what God wants us to be and sometimes, all for the worse. We were born imperfect and we will die imperfect, that's how we are wired.  But that doesn't mean we should REMAIN imperfect. We have to at least MODIFY or IMPROVE who we are to be BETTER and not just plain IMPERFECT. 
  
**DISCLAIMER: I have re-read my note and I somehow feel the anger through my words. Ha-ha. Did you feel it, too? Ha-ha. Random thoughts, argh. I just can't help but vent out via blogs. I just can't seem to find the right words. I hope I somehow made sense. If any has taken offense, I apologize. I am not being self-righteous, I have too many flaws, myself. Just had to rat this out. Goodnight, people. Til the next Dare to Read. ;)]**
  

Please feel free to comment. Would always be taken constructively by me. ;p