M. [03.09.11]

A few months back, I met a guy whose name I’ll conceal with M. He has been an interesting one from day one and as I got to know him more, he only proved himself to be really interesting. We would always talk a lot about basically anything under the sun. We hit it off right away with music, books, movies and people. He had a way of speaking that made me want to listen to him.

I have a thing for people. I admit, though, that I am pretty choosy with the ones I can stand having a conversation with. I hate it when people just let words come out of their mouth without really thinking first and when that happens, I can just drift into my own world wherein I can see their lips moving but I cannot —and will not—comprehend what they are saying.

M is one of the few hand-picked MEN that I will choose to have a conversation with. Yes, I believe we always have a choice so we don’t have to complain in the end.  Back to what I was sharing, M knows the right and sensible things to say. He speaks in this deeper sense that just make me think no matter how shallow the topic might be.

Oh, and you should see that boy LAUGH. His real laugh, I mean. I have often seen him smile and laugh at/with others but somehow, his happiness is more often than not half-hearted and short-lived. But whenever we talk, he becomes transparent the first second and then I’m trapped in his rhetoric qualms.

In the short time I’ve known him, about 3 months, I have learned more about him than he intends me to know. He doesn’t really talk about himself. He indulges himself in talking about random topics and when it gets too personal, he would steer away from it and begin to take control of the conversation, turning around the arrow to the person he’s talking to. But that never worked with me.

I would always, always start our conversations with a personal question directed to him and he would have to answer it or else I will not stop pestering him about it. He used to hate those things but I didn’t really care.I wanted to know more about him. The things that not most people in his life know already. And he didn’t fail me. He always surprises me with his revelations and he always catches me off guard when he’s the one asking.

For weeks that turned into months, I was addicted with talking to him and I didn’t even know it. I just know that everyday, I HAD to talk to him—one way or another. And he didn’t seem to mind. Soon, those conversations turned longer and deeper and we were sharing something special already. Unbeknownst to others, we were building our own world wherein we understand each other without really trying to.

We talked about his life, about mine. He seemed interested and I made sure it stays that way. Whenever he asks me something, I don’t just blurt out the answer. I make it a point to really internalize the questions first and the first thing that comes out of my mind usually makes him smile.

He says I’m a smart ass and I say he’s an adorable dork. We were on that level.

But, like all things I guess, it all had to come to an abrupt end. Little did I know, I was beginning to like him more. Yes! In that short amount of time. And trust me, I didn’t like the idea. AT ALL.

Soon, we found ourselves going out. Not on dates, though. (Lemme make it clear that I have found the man that I want to spend my life with and his name is Carlo James Barreda Padilla. He knew about M, so there. I just have to put that in writing. To set the record straight. LOL. I just realized I was a tad defensive there. ) We went out a couple of times, yes. We spent hours talking, eating and doing vices. We would listen to his type of music, he’d make me watch videos and he basically just introduced me to his life more. Something that he doesn’t do with everyone. I should know because he keeps this mysterious aura around him. And I got to break that sturdy wall of his.

A few more weeks and all of it came to a sudden stop. Things ended abruptly. For some absurd and more than shallow reasons, actually. That bit I despised. The one person that I enjoy talking to, my new found friend and my instant buddy… all that just changed. I need not to go in details but let’s just put it this way. He turned out to be the biggest ass after all.

It saddens me because point one, I failed to read him at the beginning of the budding friendship which is very rare for me. Point two, I got used to having him around. And point three, I really thought he was better than that. EPIC FAIL.

Nowadays, we don’t talk unless it’s a matter of life-and-death. We don’t even see each other eye-to-eye anymore, literally. It seems to me that he have shut down the world we have built together, left it in ruins and trampled on it just to make sure nothing’s left.

It sucks, yes. BIG TIME. I get to see him E-V-E-R-Y-S-I-N-G-L-E-E-F-F-I-N-D-A-Y. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. Oh, and did I mention it sucks?

It just amazes me how he kept on lying point blank to my face without me even having a hint of it all. He was the truest hypocrite in this planet and I just couldn’t believe he managed to pull that off. WITH ME.

My playlist is still polluted with HIS music. I can’t deny him of having great taste in music. A few of his personal things are still with me only because I see no reason to return ‘em. YET.

I get to see him everyday. I get to hear his voice even when I try to shut it out. And not in the emo sense, ‘kay? It just happens that way.

IT SUCKS. YUP.