Of unemployments and lack of sleep

I have been technically a bum, or what others would refer to as unemployed, for exactly 3 months now, and I can't say that it's what I really want. 

I have finally decided to leave my former position of being the head of the ESPT Evaluator Department, and finally tread the inevitable nursing career. Honestly, it took me almost two years to get my act together and decide once and for all to focus on what I finished. It wasn't that easy, and I know once I start, I would still find myself saying the same thing. 

So, why? Why did I finally decide to follow my parents' wish, turn my back on my dreams of being a writer, and be a nurse?  Time's a-wasting, honestly, that's why. I don't think it's practical for me to waste 4 years of gruesome (or not) days and nights as a student nurse. I don't think it's a smart move to just throw away the knowledge I have incurred those times, and I don't think that I would benefit if I just choose a totally different field. I know that it was never my intention to really be a professional nurse, but come to think of it, I just wanted to help out, change lives, and make a difference. Can't I do that if I become a nurse? In that sense, it would be a win-win thing for me and my folks. 

However, my fears of working in the hospital still comes to haunt me some nights, and certain memories are triggered, the ones that make me want to back out while I still can. I still remember that conversation I shared with that certain R.o.D. a few years back. I completely remember thinking that being in a hospital too long can make you less of a human, and that's true. You become so used to people getting sick, and dying, you forget to value life---others' or even your own. I remember thinking then that I don't ever want to be like that. No matter how long I am exposed to those sad and cruel experiences, I will never NOT give sympathy or apathy to those who need it. 

Now, though, I'm not so sure. Maybe my innocent mind then is now polluted with the real world, and I have come to believe that there really are no happy endings. I can spend all day musing about the positive and negative things the world has to offer, but in the end, no matter how much I want the good to outweigh the bad, sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. I had to learn that the hard way. 

Maybe this unemployment has brought more bad than good, financially speaking, but in totality, I have learned quite a few things from it, as well. For one, I now am sure that I will never survive being a housewife. I don't think I can handle the pressure of just staying at home, taking care of the house, the kids, and cooking. Oh, cooking; but that's another story. 

I now also know that money matters to me, and I would never bother my parents anymore when it comes to  asking money from them when I want something. I guess I'm at that age wherein I know that you have to work hard for it when you really want something.

I can't wait to start working again. Sure, it was fun bumming around for 3 months, just having all the time in the world to sleep, go out with friends, drink, and just laze around all day if you want to. Three months is not enough to read all the books, watch all the movies, catch up with all the series, and meet up with all my friends. It doesn't work that way. You have to keep a balanced routine, or a series of activities. Doing too much of something is bad---working, or having fun, same shizz. 

We need to unwind once in a while, because we spend too much time working, but at the same time, we need to get back to work eventually after every rest. That's just the way it works, and if you have a problem with that, then you need to seek professional help. 

I'm just saying, that we have to realize that we need to work our asses off in order to survive, and in order to live the lives we dream of. Nothing ever comes easy, and resting is never the solution for a happier life. I know, because I used to have that mentality, and when I did get it from myself, I found out that being a bum is actually worse than having a bad day at the office. 

Conclusion is: I need a job, and I need to sleep more. Yes.